Hello, f-list.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead.

So what AM I doing?

Well, I'm working weekends as a Radiology and CT technologist at a hospital. Not too shabby, eh? I graduated with an Associate's in Radiologic Technology in May of this year, and I passed my registry with a 95 in June!

I've decided to stay in school for a while in hopes of becoming a Radiation Therapist. I'm taking a little at a time since school is expensive, and I'm paying back loans. Been trying to get scholarships lately, but has anyone noticed that it seems impossible unless you KNOW somebody? *laughs* That's how it seems to me, anyways.

So...

How the heck is everyone doing??? I haven't been on here in ages. *goes to browse friends-list and friend some poor puppies who've been waiting*

I got a job! ♥ In radiology!

Counting down the days till I graduate....

Happy Birthday dayfall and mefiant. Hope your days were filled with joy. ♥

The breeze blows cooler outside now...

Ah, and you all were right. Hiding some of my superfluous and more raw entires under "private" did make my journal feel tidier, and consequently, I feel more like posting. It's a miracle, and I feel like freshly pressed linen.

Now, what am I up to? Lots, of course. I'm studying as always. I'll spare you the monotony of that particular subject. As for me, I feel like writing. Don't know how long this sensation will last, but I'm letting it wash over me for now. I want to channel this newfound energy into a five-page story about HIV/AIDS - do something productive with it. There are a few tiny pinpricks in my brain. There are the obvious people stories, like the poor girl who made one mistake, or the woman that was betrayed. But I want it to be fresh. The story in my head is leaning towards a mishmash of unlikely victims, and the observer who didn't understand until the end. Or maybe something radically different, like a setting in Africa. Who knows? I'll take suggestions, and I'll keep you posted. Once I decide on a path, I can move to creating the characters and motifs.

...over time, coerced self-sacrifice causes any society to self-destruct.
-Ayn Rand

How are ya?
Holding up. Relieved that at least there is now a destination - a structure to this semester. I got my loan processed, too, which is a plus.

Whatcha been doin'?
Ah. School mostly. Leisure? Well, there's nothing like buying a cheap but fantastic audiobook to pass the time while commuting to clinicals and class. I've finished Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand (the audiobook), and made a good start on a variety of texts: Principles of Radiographic Imaging: An Art and a Science by Carlton and Adler, a bit of In Search of the Edge of Time: Black Holes, White Holes, Wormholes by John Gribbin, and lastly, a great deal of Phantoms in the Brain by Ramachandran. Ah, but I need more great audiobooks. With the amount of driving I do, it's the easiest to juggle.

So, I've have my hands full with a teacher who, while not entirely dreadful, handled the summer class in the worst possible manner, given the situation. A teacher must, above all, maintain order in the class. She did not. Now, my diagnostic imaging class has its faults. Faults I've had to face head on. And by golly, there's strength in numbers, so the confrontational nature of my classmates is enhanced when you pile them in one room together.

The teacher was doomed from the start, really, when she came in pristine and full of a breezy arrogance that was tangible even when looking away. So, you don't like our coursework, lady. That's fine with me, but when you're citing a book that I can't see, and I'm almost positive you have some facts wrong, it makes me uneasy. I want to check your premises, but I am unable to do so. Luckily, I'm pretty goddamn smart when it comes to this subject, so I ignore your mistakes. It's like watching a train wreck when you get defensive over every question asked. Hate to break it to you, but asking questions is part of a normal classroom routine. They should ask questions. And just because they're asking doesn't mean they are trying to offend you by doubting your explanation. They just want further explanation. When you're teaching exposure principles - principles built on physics and application - you HAVE to be clear, concise, and direct. If you're wishy-washy, it comes out muddled and the students wind up less confident than they were when they knew nothing.

But she's gone now. This morning was a surprise. Here it is, our finals are scheduled for next week, and the Dean of Health Sciences addresses our class regarding the "learning deficit" that many of us have been reporting (among other more personal issues). Bam. She passes out an assessment. It's not for a grade, she says. It's just an assessment - a paper covering everything possible in the course and then some. Too bad the majority of the material wasn't covered in class. I listen to everyone freaking around me, shrug, and wing it.

Afterwards, our department director (whom I adore) comes in and announces she will be taking over the class. Finals are DELAYED until further notice. (Great, I wanted a break between summer and fall semester!)Also, we're evidently going to have all of the labs we should have been having (the ones our previous teacher replaced with rambling lectures) next Thursday. She passes out our assessments after the announcements and proceeds to go over every question that the class majority missed.

Most everyone scored low, but I made a 90, so I feel pretty good. At least, maybe relearning a 10 week course in a week and a half won't be as bad for me as it will for the others. It is a bit stressful to have to change all the grid ratios that the previous teacher presented in error. *sighs*

Ah. Such is the life.

Me now:

Wrapped in a blanket, wriggling my toes. I'm cold, and I'm waiting on my green tea to stew. I feel energetic, but I can't decide which project to tackle.

A. The depressing state of my messy room.
B. The front garden that needs weeding becuase clover and violas have overtaken the shrubs.
C. Or perhaps I should bake a loaf of bread.

I have a couple of things I want to read. My textbook, to refresh my memory, Light on Snow which I started last night and seems simply wonderful, or that book on psychogenic dwarfism that has yet to arrive in the mail.

Also, my new Wave Rider 9 running shoes are due to come in the mail soon. How I want them - how I long for traction on my feet!

The Kausper Hauser Syndrom of Psychosocial dwarfism is so interesting. I know abuse and neglect is a major setback for children, and I hate it. I know that human touch and bonding is key in the development of an infant. I've read about Failture to Thrive in very young chldren. This, however, is an interesting extension. Does anyone know any good books or case studies regarding this subject?

The following is Copyright ©1995 by David Skuse.

Children with psychosocial dwarfism are rare. In the world literature on the subject, no more than one hundred cases have ever been described. The key features include, first, a very slow rate of linear growth with height for age among the lowest 1 per cent of the population. Second, there are remarkable features of behaviour, including a disrupted sleep pattern (with wandering at night in search of food a usual symptom), hyperphagia (an insatiable appetite), polydipsia (an insatiable thirst) and pain agnosia (an insensibility to physical discomfort). Social relationships with both peers and adults are characterized by their poverty of affect. The children are usually miserable and hyperactive and have a low self-esteem. An important feature, one on which Money himself has written, is cognitive impairment: the appearance is often of a child with moderate to severe learning difficulties.

The condition has proved of such interest to endocrinologists and psychologists because it is the most remarkable example of a psychoneuroendocrinological disorder that we know. When they present, often to a growth clinic, affected children appear to be suffering from hypopituitarism (that is to say, they appear not to be producing growth hormone from their pituitary gland). Isolated growth hormone deficiency is rare and needs treating with exogenous growth hormone. However, if this treatment is given to children with psychosocial dwarfism, it does not work: they do not grow any faster. Yet, once it is recognized that they are being abused and they are removed from their abusive environment, their height increases at a greatly accelerated rate with no treatment at all! As Money has shown, the associated intellectual retardation usually improves as well, alongside the growth, and the catch-up can be as great as 50 IQ points or more.

--

I think I'm going to buy some books. @.@

It's beautiful and the trees look so green outisde. But I left the puppies outside, so...I suppose it'll be bathtime when I let them it. @.@ Thanks everyone for the congratulatory comments about my finals. I was actually happy about my good grades for once. It's one of those times I actually had to work for them. :D I have been so lazy and unproductive. Sitting around writing Sakura fic. And now I am torn between writing Fuuma playing in the rain and Chibi Naruto and Sarutobi FTT (Failure to Thrive) fic. Because you know Naruto was short due to the psychosocial dwarfism. ♥

Exams are over.

♥

Challenges might be one-sentence or drabble form, depending on how much I like. ♥ Just give me a word or theme, and a topic...or characters of interest.

You pretty much know my fandoms. Very much in the mood for Naruto, Tokyo Babylon, X, yadda yadda. Oh, and in the mood for twisted evil things and raw emotion. Or humor. Humor me, heehee.

*grins and listens to the silence*

You think death is pretty, so very very pretty and glorified and all those things you see in your mind's eye. But death can be individual too, maybe. Perhaps honorable and unrealistic like in those movies and oh-so-lovely descriptions, but mostly wretched and choking and pitiful. Sometimes frantic with beeping and rushing hands and instruments shoved this way and that, or else quiet and peaceful - just a little jolt - with your loved one gripping your hand.

Friday was my last day of clinical until May 28th. I'm going to miss this semester's site. I have finals next Tuesday and Thursday, and then a brief vacation of sorts. Yippee.

What IS everyone up to?

EDIT: Where has Kara_M gone?

Just because you admire someone doesn't mean their faults disappear.

It's April 15. Why is it snowing so hard? All morning. Sheesh.

Off to do angiography paper. Tralala.

IMPORTANT EDIT: And by the way guys, thanks so much for all the awesome birthday wishes last month! I wish I could be around enough to wish you all happy birthday when the time comes and write you glamorous birthday fic.

When I awoke, it was snowing outside. Snowing. Last week, we had temperatures at 85 and Saturday night, we were at 25. The azalea bushes look quite dead now, all drooping blossoms and shriveled leaves. Boo. We planted a vegetable garden last week too. Daddy says that the plants have a chance since they were still underground at the time of the hard freeze, but if they're not up by Friday, we'll have to replant. Oh... First a drought, and now frigid air. I want corn and tomatoes!

Seems that time flies when you're busy. And I will soon be off to be a dutiful little student again. (I have a 10 pg. paper on angiography, and visual aid to do for conventional tomography, a test on the urinary system, a test on facial bones-sinuses-skull imaging procedures, and a radiologic physics module for chapter 21). So, if you wonder why I've abandoned all of you for so long, that is why...not that I love you any less.

In other news, seems that things are a mess @ clamp_rants. Makes me grateful I never joined the thriving little bushel of sarcasm. It is somewhat amusing, but I have a feeling I'd be more impressed a year ago, when I was into that sort of thing. Now, the endless fanbrat caplocks mixed with elitist wit feels gray and lifeless to me and let's face it...the posts are all too similar to one another. Of course, it doesn't help that members show their support for each other by replying with ridiculous comments and worship...mostly in caplock and OMFGbbg nonsense. I suppose that's why it's a rant community, not built on intelligent discussion by any means.

♥ That sounded meaner than I meant it to. But I was just thinking, that's all. I'm not meaning to insult anyone, and I think it's wonderful that so many people enjoy the community.

What have I been up to? Lots of clinical work and school, obviously. I would love to pour my experience into writing, but I'm not sure it would be appreciated. I did see a totally destroyed leg yesterday. The lady was run over by a forklift, and all the meat was hanging off of it. It was horrible to x-ray, for everytime it moved, blood shot everywhere.

This day has been strange (but good for me, I suppose). I woke up around 4:00am to the horrid sound of my sister vomiting. The dry, hacking, throaty kind where you have nothing left to expel. Yeah, she came home from work yesterday (and she never does that ever) and while she improved in the late afternoon, during the wee hours of the night, the sickness returned. And today I've played chauffeur because she had a few school-oriented things to turn in. The only problem is that we had to keep stopping at random places to let her...be sick. She carried around the garbage can like it was her teddy bear. /=(

My poor sissy. Sick on my berfday.

In other news, I just got home. The lady from the radio station called earlier today because I won the "birthday club." I get a bouquet of flowers and giant cookie cake (which I cannot eat because I am celiac, but it's nice nonetheless) and some gift certificates (don't know what kind yet). ^^ Now, my Nana is about to take me to buy some paint for my room (since my walls are woefully white - I'm thinking about painting it a creme yellow, maybe). After that, I plan on trying to make a gluten-free angel food cake and cut up some strawberries! ♥

Sure, it feels a might bit early for Spring Break, but I'm not complaining. Granted, I have a presentation to prepare as well as an angiography paper and an online test, but I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to. It's somewhat...nice.

And I'll be 20 this week. 20! In two days, no less. It's wild, really. Have I gotten that old? *laughs* And the weather is so nice. What am I to do? Laundry, of course, is calling my name. And oh, I want to go swimming so badly right now. I wish I had a free ticket to the beach. I'd kill for that. White sand between my toes and sunshine beating down on my head. Sounds so nice right now.

Ah. I hate that feeling of dread one gets after she turns in a test...and then remembers some things she left out. Not to mention I have so many kinds of clinical evaluations Thursday.

*sigh*

If you love me, you'll leave me a one-sentence drabble in comments. ♥ I need cheering up. Any X, Tokyo Babylon, Naruto - ah, heck. I just need any form of cuteness. ♥

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In the wake of my absence, I have gotten quite behind with the goings-on with most of you. However, I am still going to subject you to the mediocre updates regarding my life. Because I'm just lovely and inconsiderate like that lately.

Today, I am home. I am currently outlining a module for three chapters of radiologic physics that are due this evening, because despite my habit of keeping busy, I still manage to procrastinate. I also have an online skull procedures module to finish and I must study for an extensive exam on skull tomorrow, including facial bones.

For those of you unawares, I am studying to be a radiologic technologist, or in other words - you break something or suspect injury, and I will take your xrays - pictures of your bones. After I graduate (May 2008), I plan to go on and become a radiologic assistant - sort of the equivalent of a nurse practitioner in my field.

I love the field I'm in, and I'm sorry to say that the excitement of tense situations during clinical study really gets my blood pumping. Of course, there's usually sadness afterward. Ups and downs. Especially when you really like a patient, but they pass on too soon, despite your best efforts. And then you clumsily staple your heart back together and resolve not to get close to another. And then, there's another regular patient you come to like...

Such is life.

The effects of the past two years? I like to think I've gained a lot of maturity, even though I still have my goofy side.

As for my writing? At one point, I was giving up, resolving to delete any and everything I have, including the fanfiction.net profile and livejournal fic blog areas. But the past few weeks, I've had a change of heart and even written a couple of drabbles. I don't know for certain why I got so discouraged and why I started hating everything I'd done. It just happened. I don't think it has anything to do with things anyone has said or done, it was just...this intangible -something- that I can't explain. Can anyone relate?

Ah, enough with the depressing subjects.

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As thanks for reading, have music. For I have good taste. ♥

Glittering Clouds (Locusts) - Imogen Heap
http://www.sendspace.com/file/1wxn7q

Higher than a Skyscraper - Hybrid
http://www.sendspace.com/file/rd0eo0

Spinning - Zero 7
http://www.sendspace.com/file/8ynkfj

Blackout - Hybrid
http://www.sendspace.com/file/5h1whs

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Meme ♥

Reply to this and I will:

1) Tell you why I friended you.
2) Associate you with a song/movie.
3) Tell a random fact about you.
4) Tell my first memory of you.
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit.
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7) In return, you MUST spread this disease in your LJ.

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As an afterthought, Naruto and Sakura are the most adorable characters in Naruto, hands-down. Also, Sarasa is awesome, and I wish I could find the rest of the Basara manga. I also need a place to download chapters of TRC so I can catch up with the so-called change in Sakura's character.

A good friend o' mine walked in time with the steady beats of the city,
until the mixed up heart tore mine apart and was drunk with crimson wine.


Oh, randomness of made-up lyrics.

The morning was a rocky one - I think I offended some higher power, honestly, to have it go as such. Was driving to school and realized I forgot my film badge, so had to double back to get that, and THEN when I arrived home, I accidentally let Oscar out and had to sprint up and down the field to catch him. (I was not happy having to do that in 14 degree Fahreneit weather, and neither was my mohter, because it nearly made her late for work while waiting.) After that, I resumed the prowl for the film badge (it keeps up with my radiology exposure) and I soon discovered that I hadn't forgotten it - it was in fact in the pocket of my bag all along! And so...the trip back was all for naught.

After that, I swear I hit every red light and every standstill due to electricians working on the power lines possible. On the way, had to run into the store (Walmart) to buy some materials for a project, and of course, I couldn't find what I needed and I was already running late. Then, after I checked out, the sensor went off and I had to stand there as she checked every item. BUT. I finally got to school, and get this - I was only 5 minutes late.

...

Of course, I drove like a bat out of Hell.

----

I want to read/catch up with XXXHolic/TRC. But I have five tests, so no. ;_; Yet, I will go and run for about and hour so I can shed some stress. And after that, I guess I'll check on groceries since we're supposed to get an ice storm of sorts. We always get the icky stuff. No powdery pretty like snow. Ice. :E

I did a surgery rotation for the first time today.

Some of the procedures were minor - some major.

Blood doesn't really look that thick when it's fresh. Sometimes, it's just so thin, like perfectly colored Koolaid.